Concealed until…

Daily Prompt: Conceal

All this winter, I wrapped myself in a scarf and my body stayed warm under a purple cocoon. You know how it is in winter. It’s terribly dark outside in the morning. Not a sound is heard on the street. Everyone is asleep. But you gotta go to class.

But with my head wrapped inside the scarf, I felt safe. Sure it needed some adjusting with the glasses on, but with public exposed to nothing but my glasses.. I felt free.

My biggest relief was that no one could see me. No one would have a clue about what I looked like inside the scarf. It hid my chubby face and my bunny teeth perfectly! No one could recognize me. With my earphones on, the feeling just boosted to 200%. When I took long steps on the street, I felt confident. I felt like a model on a runway.

Let me tell you about my scarf. My scarf isn’t just any ordinary piece of clothing with some print on. I bumped into the seller, scanned through the bunch, felt it with my own hands, saw through the beautiful design, wrapped it around to see how it looked like and then bought it for myself. Made in 2 colors black and red, tiny abstract flower-like drawing are scattered over the scarf. It dries quickly after a wash and if you ever happen to pass by it when a breeze hits you, it lovingly embraces you with my perfume. I’ve worn it so much that when I hang it to dry on the rope, I worry someone will know that the scarf girl lives in this house. Basically, this scarf is like my second skin.

But this morning, I couldn’t find my scarf. I had hung it out to dry yesterday and I know someone must have picked it up but I couldn’t seem to find it. I was getting frantic! Inside my mind I was constantly telling myself that I can’t function without a scarf. Everyone will get to look my face. I cannot make it without my scarf.. I was traumatized with this realization. I looked outside my window and saw that it was already bright even though it was only 05:40 in the morning. I panicked. It was already 05:40. I couldn’t even see myself in the mirror. I zipped my jacket up my chin and I rushed for class.

My journey till my class was painful. I felt everybody was looking at my face. I tried to hide my face but my arms started to hurt. I was sweaty and out of breathe. I was constantly pulling and patting my hair (trying to tame my frizzy hair) and not imagine lipstick on my teeth. A scarf felt safer, I felt exposed. I felt like my face was weighing a ton, my side braid was falling, lipstick on my teeth- I felt like I must have looked like a homeless person. I wanted to cry.

And then it hit on me that the rest of us is fine without the hiding. They let themselves be cooled down by the breeze and not be sweating like me inside jacket and scarf under the sun. They let their head down, they are.. free.

I love my scarf. I wanted to die without my scarf today. But I don’t know how long will I be able to conceal myself. The weather is getting warmer. I have to give up with the hiding someday.